I have to be honest in saying, I have been feeling sad lately about what is going on with my mom. I have been convicted about earlier posts that I had written myself on this blog. I do know that it is going to be ok, whatever that means for my mom, and I do know that God is in control of the situation. I am not fearful, it just really sucks right now. Yes, that is what I said. Yes, it is a word that I do not allow my kids to say, it is such a strong, harsh kind of vulgar word, but really does apply.
Mom is still in the hospital and is to have no visitors since her WBC is still very low. Saturday night she fell, and got 2 staples in her head. Yesterday I went to Indiana for the day. Dad had spent the night at the hospital. She wants to get out of bed, but she is too weak to walk, so someone needs to be there with her to make sure she is safe. Aunt Marilyn arrived from Illinois late afternoon. Early evening when we had woken her up to eat dinner, we noticed she was warm to the touch. Yes, she had a fever. Not cool! She started with diarrhea a bit later and it lasted all through the night. She had been given a Nupogen (sp?) shot to elevate the WBC count and was given 2 units of blood through the night to help the platelets & WBC to rebuild. Being careful to not give too many specific details, going to the bathroom, clean up, and then the ointments for the burns and blisters (from radiation) makes for a VERY long and painful night for her, the caretakers and nursing staff. It is just plain awful to watch. I can't imagine going through it.
The chemo's side effects and the Morphine make her really confused. It is interesting how the mind works, though. All her main life circumstances seem to be jumbled up in her and come out in crazy, mixed-up short comments. Babies, wedding, grand kids, puppies, medicines, nursing, cooking, friends, entertaining and properly placed bedding makes for an interesting hospital stay. It is kind of a game trying to put it all together!
As of this morning, Monday, March 11th, her WBC is only .4. It need to be above 3. She will now get the Nupogen daily. They did a stool sample and it was negative for Cdiff. They will grow that culture for a few days. (Glad I don't have that job!) She will get a CT scan of her abdomen because she has been complaining of feeling "full" when she really doesn't eat much at all. She has no fever today. Her oncologist will come back this afternoon to check on her.
Dad went home through the night to sleep and Aunt Marilyn stayed at the hospital. Jeannie relived Aunt Marilyn later this morning, so she could go back to mom and dad's house to get some rest.
This morning I wasn't feeling too "encouraged." Having a few short nights, probably hasn't helped, but that is just how that goes sometimes. One reason I like to listen to the radio station KLOVE is because they call themselves "Positive and Encouraging." Today I decided to look up on their website their "Encouraging Word." http://www.klove.com/ministry/encouraging-word/
Today's Bible Verse:
This is my command-be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9 NLT
Provided by: New Living Translation
I do sit down and read my bible. Not daily, which I know I need to do, but I do read it. For my job at church, of course, I use scripture for my lesson plans and how I develop and create my ministry. I did not go to seminary, and I am not a good memorizer, so I have to be very careful! I try to be sure I look things up carefully before I start to quote! One of my favorite tools to use is a website BibleGateway.com. I can search for a phrase or story and it will look it up for me exactly and if it isn't just the way I remember, I can search through different translations until I find just what I am looking for. It makes my job a lot easier! Just like my mom, I have a lot of life experiences and things in my head, so I have to work hard to "channel" the right thing at the right time when I am trying to quote (not a strength of mine...).
"...Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged!" After spending the day and evening with my mom an seeing all she is going through, I REALLY needed to hear THOSE words today. Yes, it was Positive and Encouraging to me today. I thought about those words and looked a little more at that webpage. A little lower on the page was "Previous Verses."
Ecclesiastes 3:8
(Now I feel like my mom - with phrases, songs and movies of the past rolling around in my tiny little brain!) This is one of those verses that you hear used for lots of different reasons and situations, and of course I quickly start to quote what I think is scripture, or maybe it is from the movie Footloose, or that song from the Byrds, "Turn, Turn, Turn." (Better double check on this one!)
No, I can not get the italic print to turn off on here...grr...sorry.
Never-the-less, mom is a child of God! HE is with HER! He is with me. He wants, demand, me to be strong and courageous (check out the punctuation at the end of that scripture). ! He does not want me to be afraid or discouraged. He reminds me that this is all in HIS time - all of it - the good and the bad...(singing along, "turn, turn, turn...") He reminds me that he is with me. He wants me to be a Courageous Kid.
