Overwhelmed

That is the most perfect word to explain how I feel.  Overwhelmed!  Good and bad.  One of the reasons that I haven't been posing much on here is that I am getting ready for a big church retreat.  I am the Children's Ministry Director at our church and this weekend is our annual Family Retreat.  This year we have 58 families attending, 50 kids (birth - 5th grade) 16 Middle School and 27 Sr. High.  I am in charge of the kids and the Sr High half the time.  I also organize the folders for the weekend, plan family crafts and generally make sure everything is running smoothly.  I love it, but it is a very busy weekend. 

My office is packed up and full of bins ready to be loaded, my living room has suitcases, Thirty-one bags, pillows, sleeping bags and stuffed animals lined up.  My kitchen is...well, a mess.  Yes, it is 11:30pm and it is going to wait until the morning.  I promise it will.  In 30 short minutes is my husband, Dennis' 40th bday.  So, I am making him his favorite cake, German Chocolate with pecan coconut icing.  We'll take that along to share for snack time tomorrow.  I used my double cake pan so there would be lots, but not taking into consideration traveling an hour and a half in the van w/ it packed solid to the ceiling.  Hmm...maybe one of the the kids can hold it...yeah...maybe not.  Of course it doesnt' have a lid - I didn't think about that part.  Maybe I can stop at the bakery at Giant Eagle tomorrow and just buy a box from them.  Hopefully then it won't get accidental sneezed or stepped on or a video game dropped into it. 

The title of our retreat weekend is, "Building the Family that God Uses."  It is about living outside the box of your church and/or your home.  I have the younger kids class.  I will water that down for them more and talk about "God's Army" and the Armour of God - being ready for the fight - the battle!  I made t-shirts for all the kids and helpers with the words God's Army on it - then I blotted camo print around the words.  They turned out really cute.  I hope they like them.  It was one of those moments in the middle when I thought, "what were you thinking when you thought it would be a good idea to make 45 tshirts the day before you leave...?"  Well, that's how it works sometimes. 

I also match the younger kids up with a Sr. High helper.  They LOVE this - both age groups.  The big kids are excited to see who they got for the weekend and the little ones just look up to those big high school students.  The big kids help the little ones get their food at the dining hall and they help them during class/craft time.  It is neat to watch them bond and enjoy each other. 

I feel bad not being able to make a nice birthday for my husband.  It is his 40th - that is to be a BIG one.  However, I can't do too many old man jokes on him b/c mine will follow a few wks later!  I still have to wrap his few gifts and remember to pack them!!  The candles are already in my purse (and matches.)  Hopefully next week I can make him a nice dinner.

It is killing me not being able to be in Indiana to help out with mom.   Hopefully after this weekend I will be able to go maybe once/wk to be able to spend some time there.  Tonight was kind of a scare.   We have this plan, 7 wks of this treatment and it is curable!  When these little times come up that weren't planned for, my heart begins to race!  What does this mean now?  I know they said this was going to be hard, it just really stinks.  I wish she didn't have to go through all this.  I wish I were just a little closer. 

It is all ok.  I know everything is part of God's plan not just for her life, but for mine too.  I have to figure out how to make everything happen that I need to.   I have seen God take my life when I thought it had no hope - give me a plan and a future!  He is Good and He is Faithful and He will continue the good work that He has started in my mom.  I believe that and I get to be stronger because of it all. 

Tonight, when I was scared I sent a note out on the blog and added it to my facebook.  When I went back to update, only 2 short hours later, my Facebook page was FILLED with prayer and words of love, comfort and support.  I stared to cry.  What an amazing and OVERWHELMING God we have.  It is just incredible to know that we are not in this alone. 

So, once again, I have a peace that my mom is ok and I can carry on with my weekend.  I probably won't post for a few more days as I will be busy and they will be filled with much love, laughter, crafts, families, foam shapes, glue, kids, music, glitter, food, snow and lots and lots of Jesus.  Just what I needed.