A Sovereign God

During the Christmas season I had a situation at work that made me sit and reflect on who I am, why I am and why I do what I do.  Someone, who I would have called a friend, accused me of purposefully scheduling an event with a malicious intent.  They blamed me for their not knowing and not having all the information.  I had given the information, they just didn't choose to read it or happened to be in attendance when the details were given.  That part wasn't my fault.  I understand it caused confusion on their part and maybe some sadness, and for that I felt bad, but I had given the information.  To then take it to the next level and say that it was part of a bigger plan to mislead people, deeply hurt my feelings, because they have known me for over 10 years.  Professionally, I was insulted, because I do always try to do my best and to be creative in my work place coming up with fresh and new ideas to improve things.   I thought, "do you really think that is the person that I am?  You really thought my intent was to mislead?"  The answer, when I literally asked that question, was, "yes."

How could they really not know my heart?  After all these years and situations we have been through, how could they think I would want to twist what is good and use it for evil?  Do they really not trust me?

I believe that the God I serve is a Sovereign God.  That means, that I trust His plan for me fully, and that HE is the only one that knows what is best for me.  Surrendering to those words sometimes isn't that easy.  That is saying in the good and in the bad, I will trust that this is for my good, even though I do not see it.

This week mom did get her 2 injections of the "N" drug (I forget the name) that will help to boost her white blood count.  They will find out on Monday after they draw blood how much that increased her count.  Some good things are happening though!  What she once described as a tennis ball, then a golf ball, she now says she can't feel anymore!  That is amazing as we are KNOWING God is healing her!  She also has had a few days that she has felt pretty well and has done a few things around the house - only a few.  Like, she took something back to her room on her own.  She really hasn't had enough strength or even had enough energy to move anything.  She and Jeannie went through some of her clothes yesterday too!  She told me yesterday that she had remembered smiling for the first time in a while and she laughed.  We were all told these things are normal and to be ready for them, but it was still hard to watch when she was down and out.

She will get another round of chemo on the 18th and we will start all over again with all the side affects.  It's ok, one day at a time.  Although we have told her several times, she wasn't able to remember how long the treatments were.  She was happy to once again hear that as long as everything stays on schedule, she is about 1/2 way through!  I went through the calendar with her.  End of Feb, her bday (2/28), The Meadows Frozen Custard opens March 1, the robins come back for my bday (3/6),  her girl-friends are coming 3/22 and then then we should start talking about signs of spring!  We are happy that Punxy Phil said spring will be early, we can all use the sunshine!  May always goes super fast, then Becky is here in June.  See how fast it will all go?

I believe this is all part of God's Sovereign plan for my mom's life.  It is so hard watching and hearing what is going on, but I do not question His judgement.  I know that through this journey my mom is on, it will change her life and though it all, I would pray that it would lead her closer to Him.  I am thankful for a family that stands firm in their faith through trials and I am thankful for a God that forgives me when I start doubting His intent.  His mercies are new every morning, Great is HIS Faithfulness.