One More Trip Around the Sun

"Ralph Bag-a-donuts, taking up space, Grum-pucker-itis"...these are some of the old familiar sayings of my Dad.  I guess he is going take my twins Snipe hunting in a few weeks at King Camp.  Poor things...I remember myself, probably being about my boys age, sitting with my back against a tall tree, and a brown paper bag between my legs, clicking two rocks together three times.  "Click, click, click."  You had to wait sometimes a long time before the Snipe would run into the bag. Dad was the only one who would ever catch one. 

"One more trip around the sun," as my dad would say, or simply, "Happy Birthday Mom!"  Today is my mom's 66th birthday.  I called this morning to wish her a happy day, but only chatted for a minute.  I called around 8:30, so they were in their morning routine of getting meds, breakfast and getting ready to go to radiation. 

I don't really know how mom feels about her birthday.  I have always been a birthday lover and always look forward to my special day, (as I approach my 30-something-ish b-day), but I don't know if my mom feels the same.  I remember it hasn't been that many years ago that mom had said that Mark wasn't the first thing she thought of when she woke up on her birthday.  See, we had an older brother, Mark.  Mark was born before Jeannie in December of '69.  He was the first born, a son.  When Mark was just 10 weeks old, he died of SIDS and went to be with Jesus.  They were living in McDonald, PA and were visiting with friends for the day.  When mom went to check on her sleeping baby, she found him face down and not breathing.  She tried to give him CPR, but he was already gone.  Mom doesn't talk a lot about the time she mourned, I am pretty sure that was personal, and a long time ago, but we always talked about Mark.  We wondered what he would be like, who his friends would be and what he would have liked to do.  Mom would tell a story about when she took my brother Jimmy to the cemetery once to put flowers on the grave.  She said that Jimmy put his arm around Mom and said, "I sure do miss Mark."  Mom said, "I do too."  He always had kind of been a part of us and I can't wait to meet him someday!  

I can't imagine loosing a child.  Actually, I think it is probably one of the things most moms fear.  We endlessly check on our babies, why?  To make sure they are still breathing.  We sneak, we hold mirrors under their nose, we place our hands on their tummy or back, then when we feel that gentle rise and fall of their chest, we silently sneak back out of their room.  I have had a few times with my kids that have been pretty scary and honestly, times that I wasn't sure if they were going to make it.   At those times, I could hardly speak, and I will be honest, I couldn't even pray, I could just say the name, "Jesus."  I remember once when my Nathan, 4 at the time, was sick and having convulsions.  I knew from Alaina having epilepsy, that the longer the seizure lasted, the more O2 was deprived to the brain and damage was possible.  I timed as he shook.  10 - 15 minutes they would last with 5 minutes in between.  As I stood above Nathan's bed waiting for the ambulance to arrive I remembered thinking, "Oh God, please don't take him now, I know he belongs to you, but I just want him with me a little longer!"  I thought of Mary, watching her son, Jesus, not just die, but be tortured - standing and watching as it happened, knowing she couldn't do anything about it. 

After arriving by ambulance to the closest hospital to get Nathan stabilized, he was then Life-Flighted to Children's.  I got to ride along in the helicopter.  (I'm not sure how, they usually don't take guests, but I got to go.) After several tests and a week stay in the hospital, Nathan was release to go home and only diagnosed with Febrile Convulsions.  He never had them again, and I am so thankful, it was pretty scary. 

When Mom found out about her cancer, I remember sitting with her and talking.  She said she was just so sad.  She was sad for all the people that she had to tell about her illness.  We were all sad, and we could be together, but we had to start getting the word out.  She said it reminded her of the night that Mark died.  She said she hated to go to bed that night because she had to wake up and tell everyone the news of her baby's death and that would make a lot more people sad.  She didn't want to be the source of such news. 

Mom has always been a "giver," so now that she just is sitting back "receiving" the care, meals, cards and love, it is out of her comfort zone.  We have been surrounded by so much love and support it is incredible.   I am so thankful for a steadfast and God-fearing family.  Please don't get me wrong, I have been through a lot of times I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but I love that I have parents that have been strong and wise, not perfect, but doing their best.  I am grateful for a husband that took me and my children in and called us "his own."  I am humbled by sisters that are now my best friends and we can laugh and cry together.  Jimmy?  Honestly, I am still shocked that he actually graduated from high school, survived in the Army, made it through college - all 4 yrs and be came a teacher - of all things!  Although I still picture him about 5 yrs old playing hide and seek under my desk and covering his eyes as he "hid," it is fun being an Aunt to his little girl and watching him continue to become a man, husband and father. 

Thank you for being part of our journey.  Happy Birthday Mom and here's to "One More Trip Around the Sun!"